“Stark Raving Fan” is a column about one man’s love for all things involving popular culture – television, movies, and all facets of pop culture from here to there. Of course, it’s not the kind of love that unites a group of people like a bunch of hippies. More like the kind of love someone has when they’ve blown a gasket and have something to say. After all, aren’t we all just driven mad by fanaticism sometimes?
I know that early buzz has been glowing about Andy Muschietti’s The Flash, due to drop in theaters this week. Oh, I’ve no doubt the film will do some okay business. However, I feel Warner’s is just a tad late to whole “breaking the multiverse” the game, ages behind Marvel Studios and just a beat behind Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse. What, we can’t try something different than multiversal shenanigans to merely reset everything? Oh, right, we’re trying to completely wipe the Snyderverse off the map. Totally forgot that Snyder’s slate of DC movies are only a thing for another few months. Sorry, Snyder Bros!
(Just kidding, I ain’t remote sorry. I’m actually dancing a jig in celebration of the Snyderverse’s impending deconstruction.)
No, I don’t wish ill-will towards the cast and crew involved in Muschietti’s DC debut. I know the film’s been dogged and gestating on the back-burner for ages. The trailers have been immensely promising too, aside for some extremely dodgy and cheesy CG. What, all those delays couldn’t afford your special effects teams to polish some of the amateurish CG? Batman should not look like The Scorpion King at the end of 2001’s The Mummy Returns, not in today’s day and age. Even Fast X features some more plausible visual effects, and half that movie’s on a blue screen! No, the single biggest problem in this movie isn’t the visual special effects.
It’s actually the film’s leading actor.
Lest we forget that Ezra Miller has been involved in some rather scandalous dealings the last couple of years. Hell, some of these alone should have forced Warner Brothers to recast the character. Like choking a woman outside of a bar in Iceland because she ragged Miller on lacking a sense of humor? (Miller was, well, you know, incredibly drunk.) Or threatening members of the Ku Klux Klan via Instagram? How about being arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and harassment at, of all places, a karaoke bar in Hawaii? (Abhorrent singing makes my ears bleed too, but don’t take your ire out on those at the mic.) And I won’t even mention the grooming of minors, the burglaries, and apparently holding a woman and her children hostage.
And Miller’s reasons for all the above are extremely thin. That’s alright though. Warner Brothers is selling this movie without Ezra Miller’s involvement. No interviews, no press, and a quick stroll down the red carpet. Just nothing but a low profile and brushing Miller aside like he’s not even the headliner of the film at all. (No arguments from this writer.)
Let’s be honest, you’ve seen the trailers and TV spots. Are we really seeing The Flash for Ezra Miller? Hell and no. Louder please, I hear you way far in the back there, stand on up. No, you’re here for the same reasons this 38-year-old is.
Michael. Keaton.
Cue up Elton John’s “The Circle Of Life.” The odds that Keaton would ever get to don the cape and cowl again were virtually a glimmer. Bad enough Warner Brothers Discovery already screwed audiences out of seeing Batgirl on HBO Max, which would have featured Keaton as the Dark Knight. (I’ve already said my piece about shelving that project, and I still call horseshit on that decision nearly a year later.) Thirty years ago, Tim Burton was hard at work on a third Batman movie. But once Warner Brothers and the director disagreed on the direction, Burton took a step back to merely serve as producer for Batman Forever. Keaton remained and was poised to don his iconic persona. After all, fans loved Burton’s Batman not because of Batman himself – but because of Bruce Wayne.
Keaton ultimately walked away because he and director Joel Schumacher disagreed on how to portray the character. That’s right, true believers! Schumacher wanted to focus more on the character ripped from the comic book. (What, you thought that ooey-gooey neon bullshit was for aesthetics? That chucked Burton’s noir out the window and set a campier tone.) Keaton was drawn to the role because of Bruce Wayne. He portrayed Batman as a tortured soul looking for redemption for events in his past to justify his present. And so, since Schumacher wanted to strip away the work Burton had built, Keaton booked it and didn’t look back.
There’s a smattering of people from my generation who grew up with Keaton as Batman. After all, Keaton’s interpretation of Bruce Wayne/Batman inspired Bruce Timm’s storied Batman: The Animated Series. And where would we be without Timm’s timeless cartoon? I think the number of fans who thrust Keaton atop the pedestal far outnumber those who prefer Ben Affleck, or even Christian Bale. Could be wrong, but don’t think I am. Keaton’s Batman films helped to reimagine the genre for years to come. The 1989 original helped to redefine the formula for the perfect summer blockbuster film. 1992’s Batman Returns raised the bar in mature storytelling but reinvented the merchandise tie-in, with kiddos attracted to the film thanks to McDonald’s toys.
Yes – I was one of those kids. I had all of the collectible cups. The neon-glowing lids. The Happy Meal toys, the action figures. Hell, I read the 246-page novelization before my mom took me to the theater! I shit you not. I recited quotes during the movie before the actors could utter them onscreen. My mom was shocked. I was giddy.
But Keaton always resonated with me more. Maybe because his portrayed his Batman as motivated to do right by his parents, to avenge their murders and navigate his dark psyche. If not for Keaton, I would have never spent countless hours watching the Fox Kids cartoon each and every weekday. Sure, the character became a joke in for a little while. (Bat-Nipples, I mean, c’mon.) And 2005’s Batman Begins did restore faith in the property to me, feeling like a tip of the cap to Tim Burton’s films. Then Nolan’s films got a bit grounded in reality and, well, that’s an column for another day.
So anyone who’s sitting on the other end of their cellphone saying to me, “I’m seeing The Flash because Ezra Miller’s a great Flash”? You’re lying to my face with a smile. Everything that I’ve seen trending in both social media and reviews all point the same thing – fans and casual movie-goers are buying tickets to see Keaton back in the saddle. And, to me, sitting through one last go-round of the DCEU is worth an afternoon if only to see Keaton as Batman one last time.
